Stephen Anthony's HEEL WWE Raw Recap (4/20/14)

Because RAW always sucks in the Spring....


For some reason RAW didn't suck as bad as last week.  Yet, it was still a silly TV show with plenty of things to make fun of (despite the best efforts of Tweener 'Stone Cold" Randy Orton).   Let's review.....Rollins walks up the ramp drinking cough syrup to calm his nerves.
I came to the sad realization during this match that the writers have decided to push the New Day as heels because of their newfound heat.  Of course, this is 'go away anti-babyface' heat, not 'Four Horsemen' heel heat.  But I'm not sure if they understand things like that anymore.  Big E and Calisto have an awkwardly pleasing exchange before New Day gets the heat on Sin Cara, Part 2: The Tattoo Years.  Hot tag and Calisto is just awesome, hitting several flawless spots, all of which leads to a LAME countout win for New Day.  I have a feeling the good crowd reactions Kidd/Cesaro got last week in the UK have something to do with this.  
Hilarity ensues as Tripserella, fresh from the Babyface Ball, attempts to come out and cut a babyface promo about Tough Enough to the crowd.  They are flat as hell on him.  Look pal, I know you pull this garbage at house shows where they play your babyface video, and then on TV you are this unstoppable heel.  But not every crowd has your superior intellect to know when to treat you as a good guy and then 15 minutes later as a bad guy.  It really is egotistical to act this way.  His promo is short but feels like years as he (attempts to) put over Tough Enough.  I hope Bill DeMott is the trainer again.  Along with Bob Holly, The Original Sheik and several dirty police officers.  SUDDENLY Trips turns back into his original character from 5 minutes prior to this (thats 3 turns in .08 seconds!) as he tries to calm down the Libertarian Fire-Bringer KANE.  Rollins comes out, playing his whiney character perfectly.  Kane then cuts, honest to God, the BEST promo of his life.  He was emotional, with great facial expressions, screaming at the heels with passion.  Quite the moment.  It was so awesome it saved the entire segment somehow.  Kane curiously makes nice with HHH and is given the job of guarding the cage door at the PPV.  Hmmm.... are we sure this isn't an obvious swerve to give Orton an out at the PPV?  Seems obvious to me.  Killer stuff from Kane here, though.
An impossibly long 9 minute match, with the Bellas as faces.  When did the Bellas turn face?  I mean - I read the Observer, write a wrestling blog and do a weekly wrestling podcast.  I'm fairly certain I would have noticed this.  But that's ok because we get an Old School inset Promo from Naomi!  She's most def a heel now!  I stood around waiting for a Jimmy Hart inset promo as well.  Naomi wins with the rear view (stupid name).  At least they are doing something with her.  Nikki challenged for a title match.  I'm still confused how this all happened. 

Roman Reigns, the master of endless feuds, comes out to something like a good reaction.  He talks about the Big Show.  He talks about car assualt.  He talks about smiles and laughter.  I've heard rumors he will feud with Kane after this.  If that happens I will end my life.  Dead serious.  Roman's promo wasn't as awkward as usual this week.  Reigns beats up Bo Dallas in what you may consider a squashering.  A lot of squashing on lowcarders tonight.  I'm sure the next crop of NXT guys will take their places for these squashes as the FUTURE squashees.

Stephanie is scheduled to get asked the HARDBALL questions next week with Y2J.  Should set the stage for what these interviews will really be like going forward.   

Brian SexCastles Sexton interviews Cena, but is interrupted by Rusev's CHAIN OF NOSE DESTRUCTION.  The nose spot was really funny and painful looking.  Is there anything this evil Russian won't do?  I mean --- a nose?  Cool angle that reminded me of old school NWA stuff for a moment (BRIEFLY).

RKO on Miz post-match as the streak of Randy saving the show continues.  A super-duper great way to promote the Marine 4!Another Wyatt promo.  They may as well run re-runs of his old promos at this point.  Or even reruns of Kevin Sullivan promos from Florida.  More lazy writing.

POST MATCH happens, as they used that old "heel lowers the cage to protect himself only to be alone in the ring with a different, more vicious type of predator" angle.  Orton stands tall in the end, making it a given he will do the J-O-B this Sunday.  God bless you, Randy.  You are the darkness in the light.  Or is that reverse?

Not a bad Raw, but a bit boring for a go-home show.  I guess I wasn't expecting very much from them at this point.  But the laziness of the writing staff has the show treading water.
Nick Bockwinkel 4 life



Orton starts the show, cutting a cool babyface "I'm inside the cage" promo.  He talks about how completely impossible it will be for anyone to interfere in his cage match.  RIGHT.  Midcard wunderkind Seth "Big Title Belt that barely stays on his small waist" Rollins heads down the ramp with his diabolical vanilla stooges in tow.  Rollins, champion for all of 22 days, claims to be possibly the greatest World Champion of all time, causing both Nick Bockwinkel and Harley Race to do simultaneous spittakes as they watch from their living rooms.  Orton, as well as the universe, seems suprised that Rollins has yet to detect his anger issues.  Expect some viperpoo in your bag tonight, pal.  Orton threatens to RKO everyone on the show.  This was more or less a homage to a terrific episode of RAW in early 1998 where Steve Austin stunned almost every wrestler on the roster by the end of the show.  Good booking and a great idea to get Orton more over as a tweener babyface.

Luke Harper and Dean Ambrose previewed what a match between them would look like

Match starts in the ring and immediately goes into the crowd.  Ambrose takes a KILLER bump into the LED titantron of death screen.  Ambrose chases Harper off after being thrown lightly from the ramp.  Mike Cole, who apparently forgot all about his Brock Lesnar lawsuit angle from last week (remember that, guys?) announces the match had ended - despite a bell never sounding.  Then Ambrose just sort of holds his arms in the air.  Not sure what the hell that was - but the brawling was good the two minutes it lasted.  The match may end up being the hidden gem of the PPV if given time.  Odd booking; almost like I-Tunes giving you a 30 second sample of a song to entice a purchase (but in the form of a wrestling match.)

Stooges and Rollins are scared by the barking football player Titus O'Neil.  This was actually pretty funny.  The COMPLETE AND UTTER COWARD Rollins runs into Tripserella.  HHH says not to worry about Kane because they are going to swerve Orton and the entire crowd at the PPV anyway.  Rollins still looked scared and asked for even more body guards (probably big ones instead of vanilla midget road agents).  Trips says, "It's only one guy."  A nice bit of logic from the GAME.

The New Day Sucks and wins by countout over my Lucha Dragons

Post Match:  Orton RKJbrones Woods and Kingston.  Kofi f**ks up the RKO as usual.


Babyface(!) Fandango squashes Curtis Axel

Fandango, with his convoluted new character, gets the quick pin.  Babyfaced Fandango kind of sucks.  They play the wrong music for him post-match, leading to the only good moment in the segment.  For real - he's not even a good dancer!!!

Heel Naomi beat Brie Bella  

They show Heath Slater in the back and I was wondering what he was doing on my TV set until he got RKOed into some salad.  No RKO for Rowan, who is a rung or two ahead of Slater on the jabroni depth chart this week.

Sheamus promos Zach Ryder to death

The new Shaemus character is starting to grow on me.  Perhaps because he doesn't have to job every other match like the other non-elite main eventers.  He squashes Ryder in a pretty humorous fashion, giving light commentary as he does several kicks to the head.  He said something about New York being Ryder's hometown, but the crowd sure didn't seem to care about Zach.  Dolph Ziggler stops the fun and does a zig-zag, which appears to be the lone offensive move he will see in this feud.  Expect Dolph to do something gross with Shaemus's white derriere on Sunday.  This company is nasty sometimes.

John Cena defeated Kane (U.S. Title Match)

Pretty poor match as Cena has been on a streak of good matches as of late.  Kane beat him down for the most part, leading to the mundane AA and pin.  Jabrone and Jabrone Security gawk at Kane, who is clearly trying to swerve me OUT OF MY SHORTS!

The Miz won his name from/over Damien... ummm...  Sandow? 

Shit match and shit finish.  And short to boot!  I simply can not believe how badly they blew this angle.  They had greatness literally in the palm of their hands and blew it by having Sandow lose at Mania.  And I have no idea where this leaves the Miz, other than right where he started:  an actor who wrestles OK.  Does this mean Sandow goes back to the lower card after all of this build?  How did they botch this so bad?

Ryback squashersizes Adam Rose

Special note from the writer:  I refuse to review this, as it is the 4th squash of the night.

Seth Rollins over Dolph Ziggler

Fresh off discussing twitter, emailing and making up with Kane, Rollins has a so-so TV match with Ziggler.  This is essentially the spot where the show was saved the past two weeks, with a great Rollins or Neville match.  Crowd is now burnt out by the ENDLESS Rollins/Kane/HHH stuff for the past 3 hours and can barely stay with the match.  Shaemus eventually runs in for a distraction as Rollins does his NEW finisher.  I have no idea why he has a new finisher - don't ask me.  It's kind of a cooler double arm DDT.  Ziggler jobs yet again.

photo credit: SethRollins.org
photo credit: Obsessedwithwrestling.com

Stephen Anthony's HEEL WWE Raw Recap (4/13/15)

WWE RAW - April 13, 2015
(Because RAW always sucks in the Spring, ya'll!)

As luck would have it, RAW kinda sucked again this week.  Let's review why....


John Cena beat Barrett  (U.S. Championship)

Barrett comes out to job in his hometown in less than 10 minutes because SuperCena is again being pushed like the second coming of Christ, although the Lord would never (ever!) accept a secondary title.  John-John appears to have a blackeye tonight, perhaps from his WARS on the road with Rusev (or from Steve Austin punching him for stealing his finish and making it more complicated, yet lamer.)  Barrett has all the heat and crowd is chanting 'you can't wrestle' at Cena, so naturally Cena kicks out of every Barrett finisher imaginable.  It's actually a really nice TV match as Barrett even attempts the Foley Elbow off the Apron spot.  The announcers don't mention it because Foley is hot and cold with the company monthly.  Stiff as hell Bullhammer looks to be a perfect finish just as Cena kicks out and does his new Stunner and AA for the win. Good match but very stupid to job Barrett.  His pattern of always losing continues....

Lana comes out and ALL HALE BREAKS LOOSE as Rusev sneaks attacks with a chain a la Nikita Koloff in NWA or something.  There is blood everywhere!  Just buckets!  Actually there is no blood, which makes absolutely no sense - yet all the sense in the world given this company.  Oh sweet bird of paradox....
And it's Lana's beautiful mini skirt suits, as well as Rusev vs Cena, at the PPV....
Slightly goodish segment for this ancient feud.

Cole, who has risen from the grave after his murder weeks back, cryptically talks about a lawsuit or something.  They'll likely drop this in a week or two.  Couldn't he wear a neckbrace or something?  That could have been really funny and effective if done right.  Oh well...

Paige wins a Divas Battle Royal 

Paige, the clear babyface in this England heavy card, throws out 65 divas in the first 10 seconds alone.  The Bellas were there and admired the little lady's spunk.  I guess they're gonna have a match or something.
Poor segment.  Way to give all the divas about 14 seconds airtime this week, guys!
But wait!  Naomi turns heel on Paige during her interview with Brian SexCastles!  The audacity!  The audacity is pushing her as a heel, actually.  Should be a good PPV match despite the light build.  At least they have an angle of some sort after AJ killed everything they had planned.

Brey Wyatt did a dungeon of doom promo begging the Zodiac and King Curtis to help him from becoming a midcarder.  He needs to turn or have a good feud asap.  This act of having him tape a weekly promo and never wrestle is getting old.  I hope the face of fear ends up being the Shark John Tenta (rest in peace brotha).

Lucha Dragons beats the Ascension

The Ascension are sort of a reverse Road Warriors; They have silly cartoonish facepaint instead of cool facepaint;  They work light matches instead of stiff-as-hell matches;  And they do endless jobs instead of refusing to do anything but squashes like the Warriors did.  I'm not sure which one is supposed to be Hawk, but I ain't seen him yet.  Another win for the Dragons and I fully expect my new favorites the Luchas to take the straps at the PPV from the J-brone champs.


Booker T interviews the (once again) booed Reigns.  Crowd chants 'suplex city', which is now turning into the single awesomest moment of any match in the history of man.  God bless that Lesnar and his improv (and suplexes).
Reigns says he is a man of his word, blah blah vince's writng blah...
Big Show comes out to continue the NEVER ENDING FEUD OF BOREDOM AND DESPAIR.  Talk about the faces of fear.  This feud is a face of fear, my friends.  True, hateful, boring fear.  And I can't take it.  After boring promos by both and even the crowd itself chanting 'boring' (begging, really), Show chokeslams Reigns lightly on a car (a spot I have done with several friends over the years and that never, ever looks painful).  Yet the samoan monster is near death.  Gimme a break.  They better end the feud at the PPV.  And the house show matches.  And the dark nightmares of this feud....


Randy Orton beats Cesaro (DQ)

But they re-start and we get...

Randy Orton beats Cesaro and Tyson Kidd 

The tag champs are treated like the weakest of WCW jobbers and lose very quickly to a single viper.  RKO party!  At least Orton is over.  But the idea of him as top babyface is just odd for me.  It's like having Jake the Snake babysit your kids, ya know?

Cool segment with Kane follows, walking the fine line between heel and faceturn with Rollins and the gang.  I like Rollins in his chicken__t role, and Kane has actually played his role to perfection in this angle.  The monster slowly grows annoyed and (sort of) agrees to a fingerpoke of doom later in the night.....

Dean Ambrose beats Adam Rose

Dean Ambrose grabs a nice TV win.  We need to see this guy in a good angle again.  He remains one of their best assets.  Rose needs a TNA contract.  The kind that pays every week or so.

Stardust beats Fandango

Stardust wins clean (a month too late for this push, guys.  You already killed it at the February PPV.  Remember?)

But then the real fun starts as Fandango turns...uhhh...face(?) for his UK fans and dances (pretty darn poorly) to his old school song (which very nearly made a high chart run on the UK I-tunes chart a few years back).  The English WWE fan/Fandango connection is a weird, fun phenomenon for the company.  Pretty sad this guy's push died the death it did years ago. 

The show shockingly continues to be good as Kane and his old partner Daniel Bryan have an old school talk in the back.  Kane shows his old fire as he screams in Bryan's face.  Daniel holds resolute for Kane to stand up.  Cool segment.

Seth Rollins beats Kane

Kane removes his suit to start - which means that SHIT IS ON, BRAAA.  He beats away the Stooges 2015 as Rollins DEMANDS he do the job!  Crowd is hot for the turn.  Kane does the chokeslam.  Heat is rising!  How cool would a freshly turned Kane v Rollins short program be?  But no - we got SWERVED again as Kane drops Rollins before he hits the tombstone and does the J-O-B.

At least Kane isn't a jobber like Neville, who lost to Rollins clean as a whistle last week.

Mizdow beats Miz 

Crowd heat is bad as they blew this feud weeks ago.  It could have been a legit Mania match but they won't push Sandow for whatever reason.  Mizdow wins.  Whateva.

The Prime Time Players are (again) not funny.

Ryback beats Luke Harper (DQ) 

Quick match for no reason.  Why won't they just push Harper already?  Also, Ryback nowadays is exactly what Bill Goldberg would have been if he had jobbed to Hogan that night in the summer of 1998 instead of win. 

Dolph Ziggler beats Neville

Neville, a caped babyface from nearby Newcastle, inexplicably jobs to the perennial midcard jobber Ziggler.  I have no idea why this happened.  The match was killer with several awesome spots.  Sort of like a really awesome ROH main event but with more drama, crowd heat, and, ya know, lights and stuff.  Neville hits his asai moonsault and somersault splash but misses the Red Arrow and JOBS FOR NO REASON.  ARE YOU PUSHING ZIGGLER?  Clearly no.  ARE YOU IN THE UK?  Yes.  Is this rookie red hot and awesome with some heat already?  Nah - just kill him off and make him another one of the millions of midcarders.  This infuriated me to no end.  It killed my interest in the show, next week's show and even the next PPV.  Great booking!!!  Great Cape!!!

Shaemus comes out to further kill Neville by beating down Ziggler (see-he's a jobber).  I die a little inside as I realize they don't know what to do writing wise except to:

1  Push Shaemus and protect him

2  Push Rollins and protect him

3  Push Big Show and Kane and protect them

4  Job out Neville and don't protect him.

LAME

I'm now so angry I barely watch the last segment.  I do recall there will be a cage match main event at the PPV (a bloodless cage match?  Sounds boring, boo.)  Also, Orton can't do the RKO, the most over move in the company BY FAR.  Oh - and Rollins was in a lazyboy I think.

SHOW GRADE: C-

And I'm being generous

Photo credit, WWE

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